6 tips for preparing for your parents post employment years
June 21st, 2008Alright everyone, here it is. The great time of your parents life. They have worked their behind off to finally get to this point. All of the kids are out of the house and have kids of their own. No more hassles. It’s time to kickback. However, as your parents get older, it’s important that you (as the children) and your parents have a heartfelt discussion about their future beyond employment. Now, we all have heard the old saying that “as our parents get older, we, as children, assume the role of our parents.” Well, don’t lose your damn mind. Your parents are still grown and the last thing you want to do is piss off the people who gave birth to you.
However, it’s time for hardcore conversations that you must have in order to help them enjoy these golden years and help you have an understanding of what you can do to help them enjoy those years.
1) Wills, Trusts, and Assets, OH MY!!
Recognize this, your parents have a BOAT LOAD of stuff and it’s better that you know what is and more importantly, how they want it distributed. Most people think that property distribution only applies to homes or cars or money. However, it can apply to stock, bonds, mutual funds, or even ownership in a company. The last thing you want to do is be in the position of trying to figure out where all of this stuff is located. You want to make sure (or confirm) if your parents have a will (in florida, a “Will” means an instrument, including a codicil, executed by a person in the manner prescribed by this code, which disposes of the person’s property on or after his or her death and includes an instrument which merely appoints a personal representative or revokes or revises another will) or a trust (In Florida, “Trust” means an express trust, private or charitable, with additions to it, wherever and however created). Trusts are devices used for the specific purpose of performing a specific function on behalf a beneficiary by a trustee according to the instructions of the trustor. Like I said, you don’t want to be in the position of trying to figure these things out later.
2) Where are they going to stay?
I know this sounds weird but where are your parents going to live?? I know it’s easy to assume that your parents couldn’t POSSIBLY leave the house they have been in for 30 years but if it’s only 2 of them and they have a 5 bedroom house, maybe it’s time to go? You may want to ask that hard question of whether they plan on staying in their current residence or if they are moving to a smaller residence. Even more important, what happens if your parents want to move closer to you (or even move in with you)??? Don’t think you should know that or even more important, if you are planning for them to move closer, don’t you think you should talk that over with them?? Don’t get your feelings hurt by not talking to your parents about where they are going to stay.
3) Find out the Funky Finances
Do you know how your parents are supporting their lifestyles? I’m not saying that you need to delve all into their finances but it may be important to know how they are supporting themselves. Are they living off pension funds, social security, Veterans benefits? Are they living off stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and savings? These things may be useful to know in the long run. What about insurance? Health, Dental, Life? All of those things are useful information in case something happens and your parents find themselves without the necessities.
4) Plan for the Worst
This part of the discussion is not the most pleasant the most necessary to discuss. Do you know if your parents would want to remain on life support if something happened? If you find yourself having to make the difficult decision of whether a family member wishes to remain on life support, you mind yourself in the middle of a heart breaking and often damaging family rift. So you may want to ask your parents if they have what is called a “Living Will”. Every state is a little different but in Florida, Any competent adult, may, at any time, make a living will or written declaration and direct the providing, withholding, or withdrawal of life-prolonging procedures in the event that such person has a terminal condition, has an end-stage condition, or is in a persistent vegetative state. This may sound gruesome but it does give a clear direction of what treatment your parents would want to receive (or not want to receive) due to the finality of their condition.
In addition, keep an attorney’s phone number available in the event that you need a durable power of attorney (a document that allows you to make certain decisions on behalf of your loved ones) or be appointed a health care surrogate (allowing you make medical decisions regarding a loved ones). If it becomes necessary to place your loved ones in long term care, these instruments may be helpful.
5) Life after death
I know this may sound gruesome but you still must ask these questions. Do you know where your parents want to be buried? I know that sounds grim but you may be surprised by what your parents already have planned. If you have a family plot, your parents may already know. In some instances, your parents may have already purchased burial insurance to offset the cost of being buried. Also, if your family has funeral home that has been responsible for the funeral arrangement of past relatives, they may be a good source to assist with future plans.
6) It’s WE NOT ME
Please don’t take it upon yourself to start making decisions on behalf of your parents. All of this should be done in stages. If you have siblings, make sure that you talk to them as well to make sure on the same sheet of music. Also, be advised, even if you talk to your siblings, you may find yourself having to carry the brunt or more than your portion of your responsibility regarding your parents.
I hope this information was useful for you. This information (and more) was presented in detail on “LegalBEAT in the MORNING” (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/intheknow). If you have any comments, please let me know at http://www.anthonyreeves.com.
Anthony Reeves