The initial speech when you come in for representation
“Allow me the opportunity to explain a few things to you about the process and what you can expect………”
I can’t tell how many times I’ve had to give this type of speech. It’s a crucial speech and it’s one that every person who is hiring an attorney should and probably will hear. It’s not meant to blow you off or talk above your head. The speech is designed to educate you about somethings so you can be fully informed.
How does this speech go?? It’s usually something like this (and they are all done a little different depending on the attorney or type of case):
1) The Process
What the Lawyers say -”The process you’re going to go through is a difficult process and may take a while but you must be patient because some steps are necessary.”
What the Lawyers mean - You have to be patient because there are certain things and steps that HAVE to happen in order to get a favorable outcome. Even though you’ve hired an attorney, this doesn’t mean that you are going to get the outcome you are looking for immediately.
2) Representation
What the Lawyers say - “It’s important to keep me informed about your situation. Remember, it’s important to remember that I am representing you.”
What the Lawyers mean - The attorney is telling you that YOU are the client. Not your cousin. Not your husband. Not your wife. Not your girlfriend, boyfriend, momma, daddy, or friends. It’s, also, important for you to remember that you bear some responsibility in ensuring that you providing information to your attorney.
3) Attorney Fees
What the Lawyers say - “It’s important to understand that we obtain attorney fees in this manner. “
What the Lawyers mean - Unless the attorney tells you that they are going to do the case ‘pro bono’ (i.e. free), they expect to get paid. Attorneys do a good job at documenting the work they do so they are going to cover themselves in terms of describing the work they do.
4) Expectations of your case
What the Lawyers say - “The likelihood of success depends on the facts of your case as well as the evidence. As the case proceeds, we will evaluate the case further.”
What the Lawyers mean - Do NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT compare your case with someone else’s case. Every case is different and every outcome is different. As one attorney once told me, “I’ve seen great cases with great facts lose and bad cases with bad facts win. What does that tell me? Every case is a crap shoot”. With this being said, it’s important to remember that attorney’s typically take cases they can win so they are trying to make money when they can. However, sometimes, as the case progresses, they realize that they case can easily get worse.
5) Communicating with your attorney
What the Lawyers say - “Please feel free to contact our office anytime. Our staff is available to assist you with most questions and concerns. If you must talk to me, just my staff know.”
What the Lawyers mean - So many times people think that the only person who can tell them about their case is their attorney. As such, people are quick to bypass the paralegal or admin assistant who can provide you quick and accurate information about the status of your case. Don’t be so quick to believe that support staff can’t help you.
Attorneys constantly speak about how important a decision and it is an important decision. Attorneys recognize and appreciate how important it is for clients to be informed about the process, the case, and everything that may be deemed relevant at the BEGINNING of the process. Make sure you take the time to listen to what they have to say.
The REAL World frustations for you and the Social Security Administration
I’ve represented clients before the Social Security Administration for over 8 years. During that time, I’ve had a chance to worked with, talked to, or interacted with some great people who are truly trying to do the right thing. What is the right thing? Processing a person’s claim when they apply for Social Security Disability benefits. I’m a firm believer that you “Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”. For those of you who don’t know what that phrase means, I am a firm believer that you can get more useful information from SSA by just asking questions and (more importantly) listening when the people who do this EVERY DAY have some thing to say.
I am not going to sit here and say I speak for the Social Security Administration (because I don’t) nor am I going to defend them or slam them. However, after spending so many years talking to some great people in the agency, here’s a few things I’ve found to be relatively consistent:
1) They are trying to move your case as fast as they can
I know you don’t want to hear this but do you REALIZE how many cases come through SSA every day?? Imagine if 100 people file a new claim every day in one office. That’s about 500 people a week FOR ONE OFFICE. So what makes you think your case is special?? I hate to be nasty but you have to keep in mind that when you apply, your case is one of ALOT of cases that are coming through the pipeline so you have to keep that in mind. Another thing you need to realize is that SSA has the burden of processing your case as fast as possible. It serves no purpose for them to sit on your case. They want to get you in and out.
2) If you don’t give them everything they need, they can’t help you
SSA relies on information that you give them. Listen to me when I say this. They rely on information that YOU give them. So if you decide to NOT tell them about a doctor because YOU decided that it wasn’t important and they discover that you went to that doctor, NOW, you have to wait while they get those records. Remember, don’t pick and choose what you THINK is important. Provide them with everything they need so they can make an informed decision.
3) Cussing them out, Calling them out, Telling them off, or Blowing up their phones DOES NOT HELP!
I”ve said this a million times. How would YOU respond if someone called you “cussing you out” or “telling you off” or “calling every 5 to 10 minutes”? Come on now. Think about all of those telemarketers or bill collectors. You will unplug your phone or put the phone on silent. If you answer the phone, the first nasty word you hear, you hang up the phone. Now, SSA doesn’t unplug their phones or put their phones on silent. However, what makes you think they are going to be responsive to you ‘going off on them on the phone’? I know you’re frustrated but you have to keep things in their proper perspective. These people are PEOPLE, too.
4) Contrary to popular belief, ALOT of people are in the same position as you.
Here’s where it really gets tough. When most people apply for Disability, they aren’t able to work. When you’re not able to work, the wheels fall off the car. What I mean is that you aren’t able to pay your bills, buy your food, or pay for your medicines. You aren’t able to sustain yourself. Unfortunately, a lot of people are in the exact same situation. I represented a guy who applied while he lived under the Interstate overpass. I’m not saying that your situation isn’t important. I’m just saying that, unfortunately, a lot of people are in the same position as you.
5) If you don’t tell them something has changed, how will they know
Remember, remember, remember, you must inform SSA of your changes in circumstances. If you have a new doctor, you gotta tell them. If you move, you gotta tell them. If you go back to work, you gotta tell them. You can’t trust that SSA will figure it out on their own. If they do, they have to investigate. Remember, that takes time to investigate which adds time to your case.
6) If you are a TERI case, they will move your case but it still takes time.
For those of you who don’t know, TERI stands for Terminally Ill. These cases are tricky because when SSA gets these cases, they move on them fast. However, they still need a little time to get the necessary paperwork to process the case. SSA takes these cases very seriously but they still take a little time to process.
7) It is a PROCESS and there is no going around it
I’ve said this a million times but it still is tough to appreciate sometimes. Remember, when you are applying for Social Security Disability, you must go through the Social Security Disability PROCESS. You can’t skip any steps. You must go through the process in order to ensure that you meet the requirements. There are no short cuts.
If you make it up, bring it up, add something new, or make them look for it, it adds time to the process
The SSA has a duty to investigate anything that is relevant to your case. So its important that you keep them informed early and often about anything that is relevant to your case. Sometimes, when you are listening to others who have had success getting disability benefits, you may add a few things that you think will help you. Remember, SSA has to look at everything that may impact your case so be upfront and honest.
9) There is no single one piece of MAGICAL evidence. They have to look at it all.
SSA has a responsibility to look at the weight of the evidence. In other words, SSA has a burden to look at all of the evidence to determine if leans in your favor or against you. The reason this is important is because sometimes people think that one letter from their doctor will guarantee a favorable outcome. Remember, SSA has to review everything before they can make a decision. The letter from your doctor may help but it’s not a slam dunk.
10) If you keep starting over, so will SSA
I’ve had a few people mention to me that they wanted to know if it was ok to reapply after an initial denial. Remember, every time you start your case over again, they start your case from scratch. Now, they will usually re-open your prior application (depending on how long you waited to file again) but they are going to start from scratch with your new application. More importantly, your case won’t move faster just because you are starting over again.
11) If they ask for it, give them what they need
When you file for disability, get ready. They are going to send you a BOAT load of paperwork. This paperwork is designed to assist them with processing your case. The longer you wait to give it to them, the slower your case will be processed.
12) Sometimes, it’s JUST NOT THEIR FAULT!
Recognize this, if they are waiting for something and it hasn’t come their to them, what do you expect them to do? If you tell them that your doctor says you’re disabled but your doctor won’t release your medical records, what do you expect them to do? If you tell them that your friend can answer questions about you but your friend won’t call them back, what do you expect them to do? If they schedule you for an appointment but you keep missing the appointment, what do you expect them to do? If they contact your child’s school and the school refuses to cooperate, what do you expect them to do? Most people don’t realize that the SSA process is a two way street. If they aren’t getting what they need because of someone else, you can’t get mad or frustrated because they aren’t making a decision fast enough.
Contrary to popular belief, SSA is frustrated as well. They have to handle a large case load and they have to make sure the cases are handled as fast as possible. Your case is important to them but they can only work with what they have.
Just fill out the forms
Let me be the first to tell you that Social Security kills alot of trees. Now, that’s not a knock on them because they are working their butts off to become paperless. The simple fact of the matter is that Social Security requires alot of information in order to determine if you are disabled. As such, you are going to get a lot of forms to fill out.
Now, the toughest part about it is actually filling out the forms. Let me let you in on a little secret: It’s NOT that hard!
I am always amazed by how many people get intimidated by the Social Security Forms. So here’s a few words to help you with the forms:
1) Be consistent
Most people don’t understand that when you fill out those forms for Social Security, SSA is trying to determine if you are providing consistent information. So many times, people will throw in different things each time and that sends a big red flag to SSA to let them know that you may not be truthful with them. Remember, be consistent.
2) If you don’t understand, ask for help
Some of those forms can easily be one to two pages. However, some of those forms can easily be 8 to 10. If you get a form that is too overwhelming, ask someone to help you. The forms typically are straight forward so don’t let it intimidate you or overwhelm you.
3) Don’t be slick
Here’s where people get in trouble ALLLLLLLL the time. You trying to get yo hustle ON and you think that you can BEAT the system by trying to make yourself look worse than you are. Be CAREFUL. If you complain that you are depressed but you’ve never told your doctors or anyone OR you complain about constant back pain but you don’t take any medications (not even over the counter) OR you just out right lie about your condition, you are making your case harder for your self. Don’t try to beat the system.
4) Be honest
Now, just as I said above, don’t try to BEAT the system. Just be honest. You can never go wrong with being honest. If your back hurts now but then it got better on its own and now, you are in pain in your feet, if you’re honest, then you are good to go. Just think about your life on a daily basis and tell the truth.
5) Keep a copy just in case
I know it sounds tough because you spend so much time filling out forms but make sure you take the time to keep a copy of the forms just in case. You want to make sure that if SSA doesn’t get the copy, you can just send them another one. This way, you’re not filling out the form again.
6) Yes, they do read them
Contrary to popular belief, SSA reads these forms. These forms are what they rely on when they are trying to obtain additional information about your case. Keep this information in mind so that you ensure you give them as much information as possible to develop your case.
7) You may have to fill them out again
Every state is different but in some states, you may be required to fill out the forms again later on down the line in the process. Don’t take it personal. They are not out to get you. They just need additional information and you are the best source of that information.
Yes, we know the process is frustrating but remember, you don’t have to let it overwhelm you.
The American Dream versus the REAL Dream
The skies are clear. The sun is shining. You have just graduated from High School and now heading to college. You meet someone special. At the end of 4 years, you graduate college. You are still dating that special person. Now, you decide to go immediately to Med School / Grad School / Law School / Dental School. You graduate. You get a wonderful job making 6 figures. Your college sweetheart and you decide to get married. You buy a house. You have 2 kids. All is right in the world while the beautiful sounds life float through the air. Yes, yes, THIS is the DREAM you’ve been waiting for and it is here. It’s the AMERICAN DREAM!!
OK! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WAKE THE HELL THE UP!!
Now, it’s time for the REAL DREAM!!!
You just graduated from high school. Barely. You ain’t thinking about college. Military? Say what? You ain’t even TRYING to go to Iraq or Afghanistan or whereever they trying to send people. You got you a nice little gig at the mall for some pocket change. Your mom or dad haven’t put you out yet. So, you are 18 or 19, FINE, and ready to get yo SHAKE ON!!!!
So you go out. You party hard. You run hard with your crew. You go out and have sex and (as one of my frat brothers used to say) RAW DOG IT! (in other words, no condum). You still partying. All of sudden, in 9 months, it’s about to be a whole different party. Now, you have a child. Your parents ain’t trying to raise someone else AGAIN. So now, you move into a crappy apartment or even worse, you move in with the baby’s daddy or momma and THAT’s not a cool gig. You realize that your mall gig is not really bringing in any money. So you start looking for other work. You start working two jobs. The party life is just not hitting anymore. And now, you ain’t feeling the baby’s daddy or momma. You get your own place and now, your life is a just regular cycle of get up, get the kids ready, take them to school or day care, go to work, pick up the kids, go home and feed them, put them to bed, and then you go to bed and start it all over again. What the hell kind of life is this?
Or maybe you did go to college. You planned on being a doctor or a lawyer or a dentist. Unfortunately, you really enjoyed college and your GPA shows it. Or maybe you went the first year but just couldn’t afford it. So you stopped. You’ll go back (or at least that’s what you keep telling yourself). Or even better you did graduate. YOu got the degree (just not the one you thought you would get). Now, you are at a different crossroad, what the hell do you do with a degree you didn’t intend to get??
Or maybe you got the degree. You got the job. But no one told you what the job would be like. I know. I know. You’ve been watching all those shows that show the lifestyle of those people who get those jamming degrees. But that’s not real. That’s not what you want. What happens now??
HELLO???????!! YOOOOOOOO!!! Wake the HELL UP!!!!! It’s YOUR LIFE!! You control it! Your life doesn’t control YOU!
So many times as we walk down the paths of the life we THINK we should have, we find ourselves looking backwards. We look back at the decisions we made. We look back and the opportunities we miss. We look back as if we just missed the plane that can take us to our destination.
Well, I got news for you. If you keep looking backwards, you will end up running into the wall. If you keep looking backwards, you will not see the doors of opportunity that are open in front of you. As you get older, what happens is that it becomes easier to SELF JUSTIFY why we can’t do the things we want to do or SELF EXPLAIN why we haven’t done the things we thought we were meant to do.
Who says you can’t be a Doctor at 50 or 60? Who says that your grades in High School were so bad that you can’t get into college? Who says that you can’t start a business and raise your kids at the same time? Who says you can’t live the lifestyle you want to live? You know who says that? Usually, it’s YOU!!!!
The best part of EVERY DREAM is that the dream is YOUR DREAM! Think about it. When you DAY DREAM, YOU are dreaming about your ideal situation. YOU are dreaming about what you want to have happen. Forget the AMERICAN dream, FOCUS on YOUR dream! The only difference between the DREAM and REALITY is YOU! YOU are the BRIDGE. YOU are the one who can take your DREAM WORLD and make it your REAL WORLD.
Make it happen. Make it right. Make your Dream REAL!
Two magical points in Social Security: 18 years old and 65 years old
One of the toughest things to explain to people regarding Social Security is helping them understand that there are two points where Social Security takes significantly different turns. One, is when you turn 18 and the other is when you turn 65 (or 66 or 67 depending on when you were born). Here’s why:
The 18th YEAR
1) Child to Adult
Under the Social Security Regulations, a person is considered an adult at the age of 18. As a result, this means that your child is no longer considered a child under Social Security standards.
2) Benefits may end right away MAYBE
Most people don’t realize that the standards for disability is different for adults than it is for children. So if your child is getting disability benefits, you shouldn’t be surprised if Social Security makes the decision to either cut off your child’s benefits or review the file to determine if the child should continue receiving benefits at 18.
3) Benefits may continue
Under some circumstances, the benefits may continue. If the child is still in high school, the benefits may continue for a brief period. In addition, if Social Security determines the child meets the criteria for a disabled adult, the benefits may be continued as well.
4) Rep Payee Stops
Depending on the condition your child, once they turn 18, Social Security may determine that the child has the ability to manage their own funds. As a result, if a Representative Payee had previously been assigned, they may discontinue the Representative Payee services.
5) Parents may lose rights
The toughest part of the process is usually for the parents who have been used to having complete access to their child’s information. However, once the child has been determined to be an adult, the access to that information may ceases..
The 65th YEAR (or 66 or 67)
1) Disability and retirement is from the same pool of money
Most people don’t realize that once the person reaches retirement age (65, 66, or 67), the money you receive for disability automatically changes to retirement. Same money, different name.
2) You can apply for Disability even if you retired early
Some people decide to retire early but it is important to remember that if you retire early, you may be eligible to receive disability. It’s important to remember that when you retire early, you typically will only receive 80% of what you would have received had you reached full retirement age. Applying for disability before you reach retirement age may give you the ability to apply for the remaining 20%.
3) No more extra money
Sometimes people who retire think that they can get extra money by applying for disability. As stated above, if your application for disability benefits is for the period of time when you are eligible for retirement benefits, you are probably not going to get anything more than you have.
4) Disability reviews stop
Most importantly, the reviews stop. As most people know, Social Security can review your benefits to determine if you are still disabled. Once you hit retirement, it stops.
It’s tough because some people don’t realize that Social Security has different cut off points during the course of the Social Security Disability process. Understanding them, may make a difference.
Explain to me about the Social Security Administration “APPEALS COUNCIL”
Alot of time, claimants spend a great deal of time and energy dealing with the Local Social Security Administration office and the Hearings Office. Very few people have even heard of the APPEALS COUNCIL (AC) until they get denied for Benefits by an Administrative Law Judge.
For those of you who have never heard about the Appeals Council, here’s some information to help you:
1) What is the “APPEALS COUNCIL”
The Appeals Council is the administrative appeal body within the Social Security Administration that is responsible for reviewing the decisions of the Administrative Law Judges. They are responsible for handling appeals of Administrative Law Judge decisions and handle reviews of decisions on their OWN motion.
2) What does it mean to be ‘Reviewed by the Appeals Council’ on its OWN Motion?
Most people don’t realize that even if you get approved by an Administrative Law Judge for benefits, that decision is subject to review by the Appeals Council. In any judicial process, every judge must answer to a judge who is higher than he/she. The Appeals Council reviews all decisions (randomly) to ensure that the judges are rendering the proper decision.
3) What happens after this review by the “Appeals Council”?
Four things can happen after their review. One, the Appeals Council can determine that the Judge made the right decision. Two, the Appeals Council can determine that the Judge made a PARTIALLY right decision and send the decision back to the Judge to correct it. Three, the Appeals Council can determine that the Judge made a wrong decision and send the decision back to the Judge to correct it. Four, the Appeals Council can make its own decision and not send the case back to the judge.
4) If the Appeals Council pulls the case for review on its own, how long do they have to make a decision?
Typically, the AC will indicate that they must make their decision within 110 days. During those 110 days, your ability to obtain any benefits approved by the SSA will be held until they make their decision.
5) How long after getting a Favorable decision from SSA will you have to wait in order to determine if the AC will pull it for review?
The AC can pull a case for review at any time. However, the AC recognizes that people have waited for a long time to obtain benefits so they tend to move quickly in making their decision.
6) What happens after 110 days if they haven’t made their decision?
After 110 days, the claimant has the option of requesting the SSA to go ahead and process their favorable decision from the Administrative Law Judge. This way, the claimant can receive their benefits while waiting for their review from the AC.
7) Can the AC reject the ALJ decision and take the benefits back?
It is possible. If the AC determines that the ALJ was wrong and sends the case back to the ALJ, the ALJ can reverse his/her decision. Unfortunately, this means that you may have to reimburse Social Security for any benefits that you may have obtained.
What if the Judge denies my case, can I appeal to the AC?
The AC is the final administrative decision maker. If the judge denies your case, the next level is to ask for a Review of the Judge’s decision with the AC.
9) How long will it take to get a decision from the AC regarding my appeal of my denial from the judge?
Unfortunately, this question doesn’t have a simple answer. Most people don’t realize that the Appeals Council handles decisions for the entire country. As a result, it takes a while (6 to 12 months) for the Appeals Council to make their decision.
10) If the AC denies my appeal, is that the end of my case???
No, you can file a Civil Action in the United States District Court. In essence, you would be suing the Social Security Administration for getting the decision.
The process regarding Social Security can confusing but these extra tidbits can go a long way to helping you under.
Can somebody explain how I get paid after I get a favorable decision?
So you got approved for Disability benefits. YAAAAAAY!! Congratulations. After stressing, waiting, and going through this lengthy process, you are finally going to get your disability benefits. Even better, you are so happy with your representative who was successful in helping you get your benefits.
However, now comes the confusing part. What happens next? When are you getting paid? Who pays your attorney? When should you expect the money? Now, it seems that you have more questions than you do answers.
Well, here’s a few things to help you out:
1) About 60 to 90 days before you get paid.
There is no hard rule on how fast it takes you to get paid. IN most instances, it takes about 60 to 90 days to process your pay.
2) Why does it take so long?
Even though it may not seem like it, it takes longer to calculate your disability benefits than it it is to get disability. Think I’m joking? Here’s how it works. First, they have to figure out which programs you qualify. Second, they have to determine if there are any programs that offset the benefits. Third, they have to determine if there is any retroactive benefits. Fourth, they have to determine if there is any benefits going forward. Fifth, they have to calculate any representative fees and ensure they get paid. Sixth, they have to determine if there is a need for a representative payee. Finally, they have to deal with any other issues that pop up. Interestingly enough, this process may take place at two different Social Security offices that must talk to each other. See how this may take a while.
3) How does my representative get paid and WHEN does my representative get paid?
This question is one that I get alot. In terms of “HOW”, Social Security is responsible for calculating the back pay. From that back pay, Social Security will withhold 25% towards attorney fees. For example, lets say that your back pay is $10,000. 25% of $10,000 is $2500 which means your attorney will receive $2500 and you will receive the remaining $7500. Now, the WHEN part is trickier. The reason it’s trickier is because Social Security will sometimes release the check to the attorney first (Usually because this part is the easiest to calculate) and then send the rest to the claimant.
4) Why am I getting all of this Paper from Social Security?
Over the next few months, you will received “Important Notices” and “Award Notices”. These papers are crucial because they explain IN DETAIL everything you’re entitled to receive as well as a discussion of how your representative gets paid, any offsets, and future benefits.
5) Why did I get a Medicare card in the mail? Do I have to keep Medicare?
If you qualify for Disability Insurance Benefits (this is different from SSI), then after receiving 24 months of benefits, you are entitled to Medicare. So if your back pay takes you back to October 2007, you will receive a benefits starting October 2009. Now, here’s the tricky part. You have to pay for Medicare and they take it DIRECTLY out of your monthly Disability Insurance Benefits check. If you DON’T want it, just remember that there is a penalty if you decide to come back later (Contact Medicare, they can help you on this one).
6) Should I call Social Security’s 1-800 number or the local office if my money is late?
I always tell people that they can call who they want to but recognize this point. The Toll free number for Social Security is NOT designed to answer all of your questions once you’re paid. Once you get paid, a different office takes over (so the 1-800 will probably not be helpful). The local office can help if you are entitled to receive SSI but your DIB check may be processed in Alabama, Maryland, or New York.
7) I’m fighting foreclosure and an eviction. Will that help?
If you have documentation that you are about to be evicted or foreclosed or your health has turned terminal (i.e. you may be dying), give evidence of this information to Social Security as soon as possible. This information may assist them in speeding up your case.
Congratulations on your case. I know it’s a long time coming but you deserved it. So just be patient a little while longer and it should all work out for you.
The day you realize that your loved ones are mortal!
I was 33 years old. I still remember it. I was 33 years old and I can still remember getting an e-mail from one of my law school classmates letting me know that my boy, Jerome, had passed away. Man, I still don’t know how Jerome and I started hanging out. First, it started with he and I being in joint study groups. Then, one day, he asked me if I could take him home (which was about 30 minutes outside of Tallahassee). That’s how it started. I realized that Jerome was only a year older than me. It was scary what we had in common. He was going to Florida A&M University the same time I was going to the University of Tampa back in the 80s. We both joked about the fact that we had high top fades and we tried to figure out who was more hype, GUY or BOBBY BROWN! The next thing I know, he invited me in his home. What did I see sitting in front of his TV? A PLAYSTATION! It was ON now!! So now, on the weekends, after we got done studying, I was rolling to Jerome’s house! The conversation was like a ‘back in the day’ buffet. We talked about females on ‘The SET’. We talked about parties. He slipped up and mentioned comic books and we REALLY went there. lol. Then, one weekend, I offered to come over but he said he wouldn’t be able to play video games because WRESTLEMANIA was coming on Pay Per View! Did you say “WRESTLEMANIA”? What you know about Ernie “the Cat” Ladd, or the Junkyard Dog, the Nature Boy, or Hacksaw Jim Duggan?? Man, we were THERE!!
After law school, he stayed in Tallahassee and I moved to Tampa. We still communicated on the phone. Mostly about our careers and WWE. The last conversation I had with him was about Wrestlemania! We were like “We are GOING to go to Wrestlemania!”. Looky heya, I can’t a friend who LIKES Wrestling? It’s On!
Unfortunately, the next communication I got was “Jerome passed away”. It was like a kick in the chest. He was only 34 years old??
In the time since his passing, a few more friends have fallen into tough situations. One friend was diagnosed with cancer. One friend had kidney failure and was rushed to the hospital. Another friend had a cancer scare.
And it doesn’t get easier with family. My father had heart surgery for the third time and was told that he may not survive the surgery (fortunately he did). At least two different family members had major surgery. And none of these were easy.
You know, when you are born, people celebrate your birth and the life that you may have. However, when your loved ones start to get sick or have complications, you tend to realize how quick they can be taken from you. I think it’s even magnified even greater when you get older. When you are young, everybody is your friend. People come and go in and out of your life like water. However, as you get older, you realize that your greatest assets are your friends and family. Think about it. After a while, you get to a point in your life where it becomes increasingly harder to create friendships. At 40 years of age, I realized that the people I speak to regularly have been friends with me for over a decade (and most of them over two decade). These people know your quirks and your issues and your flaws and your imperfections (and you know theres).
For family, it’s even harder. I have a great relationship with all of my uncles. The oldest of my uncles (Uncle Jay) has been like a surrogate father to me. I hold his words and wisdom very near and dear to me. However, when I found out that he had some health issues, it hit me hard. I started thinking about him and what his words have meant to me.
Here’s a little test for you so you can appreciate where I am coming from in my discussion. Take 3 people in your life that you hear from or speak to on a regular basis and imagine if you NEVER heard from them again. Think about it. No more e-mails. No more messages. No more yearly outings. Nothing. Think about how empty that feels.
We sometimes spend so much time taking for granted that the people we love will be there forever until one day, we look up and realize, they are no longer there.
I can tell you. The day I realized that one of my good friends could have left this earth at the blink of an eye, I cried (no shame, I cried). I cried because we hadn’t hung out as much as we should. I cried because I had never seen him in that much pain. I cried because the person I knew and love was not the person who was sitting in front of me in the hospital. At that moment, I realized how MORTAL my loved ones really are.
Don’t let your days or hours go by without stopping for a moment and appreciating the joy and love that your friends and family bring. Don’t let today go by with the belief that your loved ones will always be there tomorrow. If you do, you may one day find yourself looking at yesterday as being the last day you could have enjoyed your loved ones for who they are and what they mean to you.
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