You know, no one ever talks to you about divorce.  The reason is that most of us have this romantic idea that when the minister says "Til DEATH do us part", he means it and you and your spouse means it!  That's the lovely "We are the world" thought process.   For all of those glorious couples who have been married for decades or even half a century, this phrase is very truthful. Now, come out of the haze and let's get down to the rump shaker.    Some people realize that they are not meant to be with each other.  There's nothing wrong with that thought process.  However, by the time they get there, they may not LIKE each other too much. Now, if you find yourself in this position, there are few things that I HAVE to share with you: 1) Nothing personal.  It's just business! Recognize that when you are in a position where you must NOW divorce your significant other, it's really all about what you can get.  Don't be surprised if that nice, timid, and weak woman or man hires a PITBULL to RAKE you through the coals.  It's nothing personal but they are trying to get as much out of this situation as possible. 2) Stop dwelling. The damage is done! You can't believe he slept with the tramp! You can't believe she left you for that idiot!  Well!  He DID! She DID! The damage is done! GET OVER IT!  SO many times, people use the legal system as an opportunity to go to WAR and punish the other person for putting them through those changes!  Recognize, the legal system is for you to get an appropriate remedy.  NOT WWIII! 3)  In the end, it's all about equity! The idea of an 'equitable remedy' is based on the notion of a 'just' remedy.    The idea of a 'just' remedy is putting people in the position to receive the things they are entitled based on fairness.  Unfortunately, too many of us feel that we should be given as much as possible (while at first blush, there's nothing overly wrong with that thought process but you can't have it all). 4) You can't bring a knife to a gun fight! I hate to tell you but no matter how smart you are, if you are representing yourself against a seasoned attorney,  WATCH OUT!  The simple fact of the matter is that most attorneys take care of things like this on a daily basis.   I'm not saying you can't represent yourself.  I'm saying that you may not be as well equipped to get as much as possible for yourself when you're going against someone skillfully trained. 5) Kids make it worse. Parents shouldn't use their children as leverage or as a weapon but it doesn't stop them from trying.  The simple fact is that parents are emotionally tied to their children and if this can be used by some parents to their advantage, they will. Divorce can be simple in some instances.   You would like to believe that at the end of the day, we can all simply work out our difficulties.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always go the way we plan.   Try to be civil when you must part company with your spouse.  If you can't be civil, be prepared.