Divorces are RARELY nice
You know, no one ever talks to you about divorce. The reason is that most of us have this romantic idea that when the minister says “Til DEATH do us part”, he means it and you and your spouse means it! That’s the lovely “We are the world” thought process. For all of those glorious couples who have been married for decades or even half a century, this phrase is very truthful.
Now, come out of the haze and let’s get down to the rump shaker. Some people realize that they are not meant to be with each other. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process. However, by the time they get there, they may not LIKE each other too much.
Now, if you find yourself in this position, there are few things that I HAVE to share with you:
1) Nothing personal. It’s just business! Recognize that when you are in a position where you must NOW divorce your significant other, it’s really all about what you can get. Don’t be surprised if that nice, timid, and weak woman or man hires a PITBULL to RAKE you through the coals. It’s nothing personal but they are trying to get as much out of this situation as possible.
2) Stop dwelling. The damage is done! You can’t believe he slept with the tramp! You can’t believe she left you for that idiot! Well! He DID! She DID! The damage is done! GET OVER IT! SO many times, people use the legal system as an opportunity to go to WAR and punish the other person for putting them through those changes! Recognize, the legal system is for you to get an appropriate remedy. NOT WWIII!
3) In the end, it’s all about equity! The idea of an ‘equitable remedy’ is based on the notion of a ‘just’ remedy. The idea of a ‘just’ remedy is putting people in the position to receive the things they are entitled based on fairness. Unfortunately, too many of us feel that we should be given as much as possible (while at first blush, there’s nothing overly wrong with that thought process but you can’t have it all).
4) You can’t bring a knife to a gun fight! I hate to tell you but no matter how smart you are, if you are representing yourself against a seasoned attorney, WATCH OUT! The simple fact of the matter is that most attorneys take care of things like this on a daily basis. I’m not saying you can’t represent yourself. I’m saying that you may not be as well equipped to get as much as possible for yourself when you’re going against someone skillfully trained.
5) Kids make it worse. Parents shouldn’t use their children as leverage or as a weapon but it doesn’t stop them from trying. The simple fact is that parents are emotionally tied to their children and if this can be used by some parents to their advantage, they will.
Divorce can be simple in some instances. You would like to believe that at the end of the day, we can all simply work out our difficulties. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always go the way we plan. Try to be civil when you must part company with your spouse. If you can’t be civil, be prepared.
From LOVE to LEGAL Service: The UNSEXY nuts and bolts of a DIVORCE
“Til Death do us part!”
Those words sounds so romantic when we are standing in front of god (or whoever you worship), our family and our friends. We genuinely believe that we are going to be with that special someone for the rest of our lives.
Sadly enough, the phrase probably should say:
“Til Death or DIVORCE do us part!”
I’m pretty sure that everyone is intimately familiar with the various divorce rates in different parts of the country. Despite these rates, people still find themselves in the unique position of availing themselves of the legal proceedings when things go bad.
If you are one of those individuals who are curious about whether you should explore your legal rights to dissolve your marriage, here are a few things for you:
1) To separate or NOT to separate, THAT is the question. It is important to check your state’s separation requirements. Some states requires couples to be separated for a period of time before they are allowed the ability to dissolve their marriage. Part of this is based on the notion that an appropriate cooling off period may resolve the marriage. In addition, this allows the courts to determine WHO is serious about dissolving their marriage.
2) Have you REALLY lived in that state long enough? Some people will separate and try to relocate to a state that may have more favorable family laws. However, most states have a ‘residency requirement’ which means you would have had to have lived in that state for a particular period of time before you get the opportunity to file for divorce under those state laws.
3) Am I REALLY going to get anything?? Some states have some JAMMING dissolution laws as they relate marital and community property. In addition, these states don’t really care HOW LONG you’ve been married. However, some states are the exact opposite. As a result, just because you have a ’shotgun’ 3 day wedding doesn’t mean you’ll get half of her assets. Nor does it mean that you will get the person’s retirement or automatically get spousal support.
4) The REAL Tug of war: THE KIDS!! If there are children involved, WATCH OUT!! In the best of cases, one parent is taking care of the children already so there is probably not an issue. However, if both parents play an active role in the children’s lives, get ready for a fist fight. Courts don’t usually like to disturb where the child is currently residing but if the non-custodial parent can show that their living arrangement is better, the non-custodial parent may have a shot.
5) If the divorce is dirty, friends may get dirty, too! Listen, friends DON’T like to get in the middle of messy divorces. However, the simple fact is that your friends may have information that may help your case. Your friends can testify if your spouse lives an lifestyle that is harmful to children or has made threatening remarks to you or the kids. It is not pretty but it is a reality.
6) If it’s simple, you may be able to get it done fast! Alot of states have family law assistance programs which enable you to get a divorce on your own. These programs will provide you the forms and the assistance to fill out the forms. These programs are great for short term marrigages or marrigages where there is not alot of assets and no kids.
7) If it’s complicated, get ready to wait! Recognize that if you got alot of assets or if your spouse or YOU are prepared to be a COMPLETE ASS, don’t expect this divorce to be quick. If your spouse is a JERK or you are being a JERK, be prepared for a fight. If you are being nasty, your spouse is going to want to defend themselves just as aggressively. If your spouse is being a jerk, you are NOT going to want to let them run over you.
In a perfect world, you want to believe that you can live happily ever after. If not, you want to, at least, believe that you can walk away from each other amicably. However, this may not always be the case so be prepared if you must get down and dirty.
