The personal side of Social Security Disability: Your loved ones
Watch out dere now. It’s that time of the year again. Today is Sunday and it’s the same things that most of us look forward to seeing happen. Daylight savings time is here again. Today, March Madness is in full effect and so everyone is getting ready for Selection Sunday. We are breaking out our bracketology or getting ready for the NCAA tournament office pool. American Idol is in the home stretch. And everybody is getting ready for the NFL draft. It’s the same old things.
But then, I saw something on TV that made me stop and think. I know this is corny but every now and then I watch a show called “GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS”. For those of you who don’t know who GENE SIMMONS is, he is a member of the Rock and Roll group, KISS, and is known for his ability to blow fire and his long tongue (i know, i know, TMI). Well, as they focus on the upcoming premier, they show how his long time girlfriend and mother of his two kids finds out she has a lump in her breast. He finds out while he’s preparing for a concert and it’s clearly devastating.
Most of us take for granted how devastating it is when you find out a loved one has a traumatic illness. I have a fraternity brother who honored me by allowing me to be the godfather to his daughter. He and his wife have the bravest and strongest child I’ve ever known because she has gone through 2 liver transplants and is currently awaiting a third. Did I mention that she is only 7 years old? He and his wife are troopers because they have gone through this for a few years.
However, it is a whole different story when you’re going through it yourself. A couple of years ago, a dear friend of mine asked me to represent her mother who’s cancer had returned after several years of remission. As such, I had several heart to heart discussions with her mother and my friend about the Social Security disability process. It really moved my heart because to see my good friend trying to stay strong while her mother was aggressively fighting this disease made me truly appreciate what it means to your loved ones.
When we have to care for our loved ones when they are dealing with a devastating sickness, our hearts hurt because we remember them for the way they were and NOT the way they are. For those of you who don’t know who Merlin Olsen is, he was a football player in the NFL and an actor on the former show “Little House on the Prairie”. He recently died after a long battle with Cancer. And when you have to try and be strong when your loved one is deteriorating before your very eyes, it can be hard.
You’re the one that is there for them when they get up at night because they can’t sleep due to the pain. You’re there to help them remember things when their memory starts to go. You’re the one that is there for them in order to make sure they take all of their medications. You’re the onee that has to get them to their doctor appointments.
So many times, we spend so much time focusing on the person applying for Social Security Disability that we sometimes forget about all of the loved ones who patiently and lovely stand by and give their help, support and encouragement when people are facing their challenges. They are an equally important part of the disability process.
You will always be my sister!
This post is designed to be modified as you see fit but it is ultimately the opportunity to be sent to your friends. I don’t have any sisters so this letter is for all of my family members, female friends and sorority sisters that I view as sisters:
Dear MY SISTER:
Man, I can’t believe that we are still friends after all of these years. It’s amazing that we still talk. Can you remember all those times I called you asking about things from a ‘woman’s perspective’? And yea, yea, I can still remember you calling me an “IDIOT” for not recognizing the great woman I have (Fortunately, I listened because we are married and happy to this date! lol). And OH, don’t think you’re special. How many times did I have to tell you that MEN think like this or think like that? I TOLD you about going over to his place unannounced! SEE!?!! BUT NOOOOO, you didn’t want to listen to a brother!! LMAO!
And I forgive you, my sister! Forgive you for what??? Let me tell you! LOL. I forgive you for FORGETTING that I’m a guy and that I don’t necessarily want to hear about your cramps or your encounters with men. I forgive you for FORGETTING that I”m a guy and calling me “Girl” or “Girlfriend”. LOL. I forgive you for making me your De Facto Boyfriend in the club so you can get rid of the ugly guy and let the cute guy come and talk to you.
It’s all good because you’ve had my back. You’ve cussed me out when you thought I was being soft. You let me cry and you didn’t make me feel like I was being soft. You understood that sometimes a Man can truly appreciate a Female Friend and that is exactly what you are, a friend.
But, you must, also, forgive me, my sister. Forgive for what?? I know that there are times when I don’t seem as patient and understanding about listening to you complain about the man that you like. I know that there are times when I don’t seem as patient when you talk about the lack of good men. And, oh, there’s a reason I don’t introduce you to any of my single friends. It’s because they fall into three categories: 1) Too young, 2) Too old, or 3) Too THEM (you may not be ready for him or he may not be ready for you. Don’t ASK me what that means! Trust me when I tell you that I am just looking out for you! LOL).
Years ago, I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had people wonder about my ’sexuality’ because I had so many female friends. What they didn’t know was that 1) I had just as many male friends and 2) my female friends are equally as opportunity as my male friends.
Today, I’m in the best place I could ever be. I married my best friend. When the time came for me to marry her, YOU were there. You kept her from stabbing me and you kept me from going ‘coo coo for cocoa puffs’. lol You were there to help me move and you were there in the wildest of times. I’m going to always be protective of you because, in the end, you will always be my sister. Peace and Love.
Life (and the bills) don’t stop just because you can’t work
One of the hardest things to tell my clients is to “hold on”. It’s really hard. It’s tough because most people are forced to have to evaluate how they are going to survive while waiting for their case to be resolved.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy situation. Usually there is no magical fund or nest egg or any extra government program that will provide you the resources to pay your bills or keep the lights on while you wait.
Here are some tips that you may want to think about (Even if you don’t want to explore them):
1) 3Fs, part 1 & 2!! Family and Friends! Almost any form of charity starts with your personal resources. Most people are proud and don’t want to feel like they are looking for a hand out. However, in this economy, if you are in a position where you are waiting for your case to be resolved, I would advise you to look seriously at your family and friends for help during these times.
2) 3Fs, part 3! Faith! You would be surprised by the number of resources your church has. Most people don’t realize that the church is usually the focal point for a variety of different charities which may be able to help you.
3) Social Services. Almost every city, county or state has some form of social services which can assist you with your situation. The best part is that Social Services is a gateway to a variety of other services that may be available to you.
4) Community services. Don’t sleep on the non profit organizations. In this time of need, they are a crucial point of support and guidance. These organizations typically have connections to both private and government entities which may help you.
It is really tough to have to deal with these situations but it is tougher when you don’t have money in a banking account that can help you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to these resources. They can help you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
From LOVE to LEGAL Service: The UNSEXY nuts and bolts of a DIVORCE
“Til Death do us part!”
Those words sounds so romantic when we are standing in front of god (or whoever you worship), our family and our friends. We genuinely believe that we are going to be with that special someone for the rest of our lives.
Sadly enough, the phrase probably should say:
“Til Death or DIVORCE do us part!”
I’m pretty sure that everyone is intimately familiar with the various divorce rates in different parts of the country. Despite these rates, people still find themselves in the unique position of availing themselves of the legal proceedings when things go bad.
If you are one of those individuals who are curious about whether you should explore your legal rights to dissolve your marriage, here are a few things for you:
1) To separate or NOT to separate, THAT is the question. It is important to check your state’s separation requirements. Some states requires couples to be separated for a period of time before they are allowed the ability to dissolve their marriage. Part of this is based on the notion that an appropriate cooling off period may resolve the marriage. In addition, this allows the courts to determine WHO is serious about dissolving their marriage.
2) Have you REALLY lived in that state long enough? Some people will separate and try to relocate to a state that may have more favorable family laws. However, most states have a ‘residency requirement’ which means you would have had to have lived in that state for a particular period of time before you get the opportunity to file for divorce under those state laws.
3) Am I REALLY going to get anything?? Some states have some JAMMING dissolution laws as they relate marital and community property. In addition, these states don’t really care HOW LONG you’ve been married. However, some states are the exact opposite. As a result, just because you have a ’shotgun’ 3 day wedding doesn’t mean you’ll get half of her assets. Nor does it mean that you will get the person’s retirement or automatically get spousal support.
4) The REAL Tug of war: THE KIDS!! If there are children involved, WATCH OUT!! In the best of cases, one parent is taking care of the children already so there is probably not an issue. However, if both parents play an active role in the children’s lives, get ready for a fist fight. Courts don’t usually like to disturb where the child is currently residing but if the non-custodial parent can show that their living arrangement is better, the non-custodial parent may have a shot.
5) If the divorce is dirty, friends may get dirty, too! Listen, friends DON’T like to get in the middle of messy divorces. However, the simple fact is that your friends may have information that may help your case. Your friends can testify if your spouse lives an lifestyle that is harmful to children or has made threatening remarks to you or the kids. It is not pretty but it is a reality.
6) If it’s simple, you may be able to get it done fast! Alot of states have family law assistance programs which enable you to get a divorce on your own. These programs will provide you the forms and the assistance to fill out the forms. These programs are great for short term marrigages or marrigages where there is not alot of assets and no kids.
7) If it’s complicated, get ready to wait! Recognize that if you got alot of assets or if your spouse or YOU are prepared to be a COMPLETE ASS, don’t expect this divorce to be quick. If your spouse is a JERK or you are being a JERK, be prepared for a fight. If you are being nasty, your spouse is going to want to defend themselves just as aggressively. If your spouse is being a jerk, you are NOT going to want to let them run over you.
In a perfect world, you want to believe that you can live happily ever after. If not, you want to, at least, believe that you can walk away from each other amicably. However, this may not always be the case so be prepared if you must get down and dirty.
