Be happy that you knew them as long as you did
Please find enclosed the hardest conversation to have to anyone who has lost a loved one:
Dear “My friend”:
Today is a day that no one wants to see. Today is a day that we all know will happen but pray that it won’t happen anytime soon. Today is a day that we knew existed but hoped that it would exist tomorrow or the day after or the day after. NOT TODAY!
But, my friend, today is that day. Today is the day when someone we love has come to the end of their earthly journey. Today is the day that they will be rewarded with the rest they so greatly deserve. Today is the day that they have no more worries. Today is the day that they have no more fears. Today is the day that they can start their new journey.
We are happy for them. They can rest peacefully. They can move on spiritually. They have succeeded in completing their life’s missions.
But TODAY, the pain is for us. We feel the pain of not having them here. We feel the pain of not being able to call them for advice. We feel the pain of not being able to see them on the holidays or on football weekends or on shopping trips. Today, we feel the pain of realizing that their earthly presence in our life has now become a spiritual presence in our life.
How do you exist with someone who is no longer here physically but only spiritually? How do you call someone on the phone or visit them or text them or e-mail them? How do you know they are listening? How do you know they are there? How do you know?
You know because you had them longer than others. You remember the times they got on your nerves. You remember the road trips. You remember the parties. You remember the late night phone calls. You remember the advice that still sticks with you. You remember them when you were there for their dark times and they were there for yours. They exist because you exist to share with the world the stories of times untold.
What’s even more powerful is that YOU knew them longer than others. You knew them before they were rich. You knew them when they became poor. You knew them when they were wiping the tears from your eyes and you knew them when they were cussing you out. You knew them before they were who they became and they knew you before they knew who you would become.
And more importantly, how did they KNOW you at the end? A cherished brother? A loving sister? A caring son? A passionate daughter? A strong mother? A gentle father? A friend to the end? Or all of the above! The way they know YOU is the way they will carry you from their earthly journey into their spiritual one. It’s not about what you didn’t say or do while they were here that should concern you. It’s about how you lived and loved with them while they were here that will last a life time.
And stop feeling guilty. Yes, you probably should have called more. Yes, you probably should have visited more. Yes, you probably shouldn’t have wasted so much time dwelling on those nasty fights you had. Yes, you probably should have stopped being a jerk. But you know, they know that if they need you, you will be there. They know that you loved them and that’s unconditional. You may have been stank THEN but you have always STAYED with them despite it.
Today is the day you didn’t want to face. Today is the day you didn’t want to arrive. For those of you who have never seen JAMES BROWN’s funeral, you missed a treat. The music played. The dancers danced. The people were having a jam session while the Godfather of Soul was laid to rest. On his day, the people remembered him for what he gave them in life. On this day, remember what your loved ones gave you.
